


Friends With Benefits?

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst and Humor, Closeted Character, Comfort, Cute, Depression, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getting to Know Each Other, Loneliness, Luxury, M/M, Pre-Slash, Spa Treatments, Touch-Starved, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7994194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His relationship with Dave Lister at an all time low, Arnold Rimmer decides to take the Cat with him as he wins a long luxury weekend at a space spa.<br/>At the resort the couple discover things about each other they could never have held possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Letter

When the letter arrived Arnold J. Rimmer did not get his hopes up. “Probably telling me I've lost …” he thought. “Nothing good ever happens to me, so why would this be any different?” He sighed tiredly and pushed the letter away.  
  
Dave Lister stared at the sighing, deflated looking Hologram and wondered what his problem was. For the last few months the Hologram had been insufferable. He had been tense and stressed before they had met with a female despair squid but afterwards he'd upped the ante. He seemed constantly upset and often got angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes he'd just shut down for days, seemingly lethargic. During these times he would not talk to anyone. Non of the Dwarfers knew what the problem was. It annoyed Lister that he didn't seem to be able to reach Rimmer the way he always would in the past. Things seemed different between them these days, leading a frustrated Lister to act out and make fun of his bunkmate. This caused Rimmer to close down even more.  
The strangest thing was that sometimes the Hologram would talk to the Cat. The pair had never got on, but lately there had been a new sort of connection. This annoyed Lister, even though he wasn't sure why. It led him to make more digs and jokes towards Rimmer, souring the already strained relationship. A viscous circle.

After a few minutes of staring at the envelope Rimmer decided to open the letter anyway, just to get it over with. When he read the contents his mouth fell open and his eyes widened.

“Smeg, I've won a luxury Spa weekend for two on Satellite 5!!” Rimmer exclaimed, sounding as close to ecstatic as Arnold J. Rimmer could ever be. “I've never won anything before!!”  
Lister almost choked in his coffee hearing this and looked up in horror at the cheerful Hologram. “A Spa weekend? What the smeg?! What you want that for?”  
Rimmer blinked at him in surprise. “I … I thought it would be fun to get away for a bit …”  
Ever since they'd reached a more populated part of space Lister had been going out a lot and made acquaintances outside of the group. Rimmer hadn't really been anywhere and the idea of going Spa had appealed to him, comforting and safe. He had been feeling increasingly tense and could really do with some rest as he felt close to serious adrenal-fatigue. Having won a competition had momentarily lifted his spirits: his chance for a few days away from everything. It couldn't have come at a better time: He and Lister had been fighting a lot lately and Rimmer felt as if nothing he did or thought was good any-more. Having a breather would be most welcome.

Unfortunately, though, he quickly realised that the idea of him wanting to go to a Spa gave rise to yet more digs and banter from the annoying Scouser. “Really Rimmer, a Spa? That's for poncey wine drinking smegheads. Why did you even enter that competition? A Spa, for smeg sake!”  
  
Rimmer's joy immediately shrivelled to the size of a walnut hearing Lister's mocking tones. He closed his eyes tightly and tried a few deep breaths before answering.  
“The competition was … open to everyone …” He tried to defend himself. “It's a resort as well, you see?” Breathing anxiously he showed the brochure to Lister. “Look, they have options: Switzerland, Dead-sea, a forest, a beach, a giant park with millions of flowers. All with healthy imported Alp-air.” Rimmer looked up, his eyes bright. “Listy, they've got nature!”  
Lister took the papers and scanned them, ignoring the Hologram's explanation. “Ooh preening and pampering, a few facials, a new hairdo?!”  
Feeling humiliated Rimmer snatched the papers back. If this was what he had to look forward to he might as well forget the whole thing. “Just forget it, forget I won anything, forget I ever said anything!” He was about to flush the papers out of an airlock when the Cat danced in.  
“Who won what and where's the preening at?” He stared at the brochures Rimmer was clutching in his shaking hand. “Satellite 5? These guys are amazing! I saw the add: 'we wax while you nap'! You won that bud? That's great!”  
  
Rimmer stared at the Cat then at the papers in his hand.  
“So, you're claiming yer big reward then?” Lister scoffed.  
“You know what …” Rimmer said thoughtfully. “I just might.”  
Lister looked surprised.  
“What? Yer serious? Who yer gonna take?”  
Rimmer looked at Lister with disdain.

“Well, certainly not you. It's a place of class and refinement. I'm not letting some poor droid near you for a massage, who knows what it'll find!!” Rimmer wrinkled his nose in disgust.  
“Who ya gonna take then? Kryten? They don't have a section for mechanoids …!”  
Rimmer ignored him.  
“Monsieur Chat, would you do me the honour of accompanying me?” Rimmer smiled. The Cat looked from Rimmer to Lister and back in surprise, his mouth open. “You … you're asking me? He's asking me?” he asked in confusion.  
“Well unless you're not in the mood for four days of …” He read from the brochure. “Facials, skincare, saunas, relaxation.” Suddenly the Cat grabbed Rimmer and gave him an awkward hug. “You know, you've always been my favourite round here, buddy!!” he said beaming up at him.


	2. Giving Colours

Three days later Rimmer and the Cat arrived on Satellite 5 to start their long luxury weekend.

“Everything is clean …” Rimmer said in surprise looking round their hotel room. “And the smell … fresh pine-tree?” The Cat exclaimed. “I don't think my nostrils can take it after smelling curry for a lifetime!”  
Delighted with his new surroundings Rimmer flung open the doors to their balcony and breathed in the fresh healthy air of mini Switzerland. “Cat, come, look!” The Cat joined him and together they gazed out over the endless stretch of simulated Alps. “I've never seen anything like it before.” the Cat said softly. Rimmer just stood there quietly, feeling tears burning behind his eyes: he hadn't seen nature in so long. The Cat seemed to sense something as he suddenly slapped Rimmer's back gently and said: “Come on bud, let's unpack. I've only got five hours to dress for dinner.”  
  
After dinner both men decided to take a stroll in the Spa garden. Rimmer took in the intoxicated aroma of the sweet smelling flowers and felt slightly calmer than he'd been for the last few months. The Cat took petals from some of the more brightly coloured blooms and stuck them in a booklet.  
“What _are_ you doing?” Rimmer asked bemused.  
“Some people collect stamps, I collect colours.” he beamed.  
Rimmer shrugged. With his hobby's who was he to judge?  
“So how does that work?”  
“Well, I collect colours you don't see so much, then I swap them for better ones with other club members.”  
“They have clubs for _that_?”  
“Sure buddy. But I'm lagging behind. There's not much colour going on at that crate we call home!”  
Rimmer sighed Cat; had hit a truth there. Rimmer had been missing colour a lot. Having been artistic he loved to think in colours, but over the last few centuries they had slowly faded from his mind. Sometimes the only colours he saw in weeks were in the Cat's suits.  
“I miss colour …”  
The Cat stared at him. “I've got a few spares you can have them.”  
“You can't give colours …! How can you give colours?”  
“Fabrics! You could use them in your room. Just make sure you don't let the Stain-monster near them!”  
Redecorating the bunk room? Make it more colourful? Rimmer had never thought of it, he always convinced himself it should be military gray. Maybe not? He pondered on it.  
“I would love that …” He smiled uncertainly.  
They continued their walk debating whether the room would be skye blue or deep purple.  
  
Not used to the fresh air the men both felt worn out after their walk and agreed to have an early night to enjoy their luxury beds with satin sheets and pillows.  
It felt strange to Rimmer to suddenly share a room with the Cat after decades of Lister. He wondered if the Cat snored or if he would purr. To his surprise the Cat seemed as into late night chats as his usual bunkmate.  
  
“Why did you pick me?” the Cat asked. “You're always choosing Monkey, so why me?”  
Rimmer was silent for a moment. There were the obvious reasons but also something deeper he was scared of mentioning to him. He had the strange feeling that beneath the insults there was a side of the Cat that understood him, maybe better than he understood himself.

“Because I knew you'd love it. I wanted to share this with someone who'd appreciate it and … maybe help me appreciate it too.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I want you to help me, Cat …” Rimmer said, his eyes closed.  
“How?”  
He couldn't say it.  
“Never mind.”  
“Hmm …” the Cat answered.


	3. A Hologram At Peace

The next day Rimmer woke the Cat bright and early for a nature hike. The Cat immediately and balefully declared he had stuff booked. When Rimmer told him those appointments were hours away the Cat grudgingly agreed. Soon he cheered up deciding there could be fun to be had: he loved exploring – maybe he could make a few things his. After a luxury breakfast complete with blueberry pancakes, croissants Earl Grey and jus d' orange the duo set of.  
  
During the first part of the hike the pair was quiet, with Rimmer seeming to be deep in thought. Getting bored if this after a while the Cat opened the conversation: “So, is this like earth?”  
“I think it looks like it …” Rimmer pondered.  
“You mean you don't know?”  
“Lister is from earth, I'm from IO. It's certainly is beautiful, though. It's been such a long time since I've been somewhere that's beautiful or peaceful.” Rimmer felt that strange urge to cry again, he wiped his eyes, then he noticed the Cat standing next to him, staring at him intently. “What's wrong with you?” he simply asked.  
“Nothing.”  
“You can't pull that one on me, buddy, I'm a Cat I can sense something off miles from here. Just tell me so we can get on with the good stuff.”  
  
The next moment Rimmer and the Cat sat down together on a bench.  
“You really want to listen to me?” Rimmer asked in surprise.  
“Well, we're here together, might as well.”  
Rimmer stared at the Cat for a moment but could sense no malicious intend. He desperately needed to talk to someone and he'd asked the Cat to be with him for a reason.  
“Okay …”  
  
Rimmer told him that over the years he'd started to realise that maybe he had never wanted to join the Space Corp, never wanted to be an officer or a captain. All the things he had convinced himself and others he desperately wanted were things he had been conditioned into wanting from the day he was born. He'd been artistic, a good painter – that was where his love of creating his elaborate colourful schedules came from. He adored writing and reading poetry.  
But what he had loved most was nature, hiking and … gardening. Especially gardening!!  
  
“Gardening, Cat. The peaceful quietness, creating life. I was close to our gardener … I think he was the only friend I had as a child. He taught me everything. He gave me this place at the back of the garden, my own secret place. No-one ever came there and for a few precious hours I could do what I wanted. He even made a small shed where I could keep my things so my brothers wouldn't spoil them. I sometimes slept there.” Staring into the distance Rimmer smiled at a memory. “I remember I once spent two weeks in my little shed. Watching my pumpkins grow, keeping them safe from the weather, mice, snails, anything you can think of. I could spent hours there drawing birds, flowers … Two weeks on my own in a shed with just nature around me …” He laughed bitterly. “The happiest weeks of my life … - The funny thing is, once I returned home no-one had missed me, until my father found my sketchbook. He tore out each page in front of me and slowly ripped it apart, telling me I was less than nothing while he did it. 'You are nothing', 'you are worthless' page after page after page.  
After that I was sent to boarding school. If you were clever and able to deliver your homework in time you were allowed to work in the school-garden. I was lucky if I even got to see it once in a while. Every day I looked out my window and I saw other children help the gardeners, running around playing, laughing. Just doing the stuff kids do.  
Every day!! While I sat there, trying to learn things I did not care about. I could read the books 24 hours a day and it still meant nothing to me. I guess because deep inside of me it really MEANT nothing to me. I failed time and time again, every year I saw the disappointment grow in the faces of my parents. It hurt so much. I began to try and succeed at all cost, cutting everything from my life that distracted me from reaching my … their goals. In the end I think I simply cut myself from my own life.”  
  
“You know your problem?” The Cat said, looking serious.  
“No?”  
“Your head's too full. All you ever do is hang on to that old stuff. It was bad, you'll never be without it, but you can't let it stop you enjoy something good.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well. You are in this great place right now, but al you're doing is crying about what you missed. You're not looking at it now, you're looking at the past. In a way you're still missing out.”  
“You're right. I'm messed up.”  
“That's not what I'm saying here Alphabethead. I'm saying: try not to think of it now. Let go and try having fun while you can. You like this nature stuff? Feel it, look at it, savour it. You'll be back at the curry palace in no time.”  
Rimmer stared at the Cat and then laughed.  
“Thank you Cat. You're right. I needed that.” He thought for a moment. “What time is it? Didn't you have something booked?” The Cat got out some brochures.  
“Are you kidding me Buddy? I have everything booked!!”  
Rimmer noticed the Cat's intricate list of things and was surprised to find he had made no to do schedule system at all. That scared him: he was the meticulous one. What was he going to do? He didn't want to be on his own without a plan.  
“Can I come with you?”  
“We'll meet for lunch.”  
Rimmer felt a full on panic attack coming up, his breathing was already faster than normal.  
“What am I going to do here on my own? Why can't I go with you?”

Apparently aware of Rimmer's blind panic, the Cat quickly scanned all the brochures then smiled reassuringly. “You don't want to go with me, buddy. I'm getting a Brazilian. I've seen you, you're hairless. I recommend you go Swedish and take my advice: get there early and look at the options!” and with that he left, leaving a folder advertising a Swedish Relaxation massage. Rimmer looked at the bochure and shrugged, “why not?” everything better than being alone without a plan.

So while the Cat embarked on a Brazilian wax, Rimmer opted to have a Swedish Relaxation massage.  
Taking the Cat's advice Rimmer had gone to the massage parlour early to take advantage of all it had to offer: a shower with relaxing herbs, a hot tub. They all had an intoxicating effect on the Hologram and helped him to slowly let go of a bit of the tension that had built up in his core for so long. Then he discovered the Holo-detox: a relaxing pre-massage treatment for holograms to drain anyway built up tension and stress. “That was what he was on about! That clever goit!” Rimmer thought and was on it like a flash. Laying on the massage-table Rimmer slowly sank into a state of rest he'd never known.  
The massage itself was only the icing on the cake. While soft android hands kneaded his body Rimmer sank into a deep and healing slumber. After the kind droids had finished the massage the staff teleported the sleeping Hologram to his room where he woke up a few hours later in his hotel bed.


	4. Rubbing a Cat's Tummy

When the Cat met up with Rimmer for lunch he immediately noticed a change. “Hey buddy, you're actually smiling. I never saw you do that before! Looks good on you.”  
“Why thank you.” Rimmer said in a calm cheerful tone he didn't even know he was capable of. “How was the wax?” “Never mind that, how was the massage?” the Cat couldn't keep his eyes of Rimmer's smile. “I'm guessing you liked it!” Rimmer looked at the Cat with gratitude. “This is the best thing that's happened to me in … centuries. Thank you.”  
“Don't say it, prove it.”  
“What?”  
“The best way to thank me is showing you can do fun now! Let's go do every last thing this place as to offer!!”  
Rimmer was quiet for a few seconds, the Cat's expectant gaze never leaving him for a second. Could he? Could he let go of his rules, his fears of doing things that might not be considered manly? Why had he wanted to come here in the first place if he didn't want to enjoy some of the facilities? But what about Lister? He would make fun of him forever if he heard he had a manicure or whatever …  
“Lister isn't here …” Rimmer thought.  
“If … You won't tell Lister?” Rimmer asked softly.  
The Cat frowned in surprise.  
“Why do you care what he thinks?”  
Rimmer shrugged.  
“Well, if it helps: I won't.”  
Somehow Rimmer believed him.  
“Oh … very well!”  
  
The next three days where like nothing Rimmer or the Cat had ever known. They had fun. The Hologram and the Feline worked their way through everything the Spa had to offer from massages and swims to saunas, body wraps, hikes, herbal therapies, holistic healing, facials, manicures, pedicures and meditations. They enjoyed as much of the nature resorts as they could manage. Every morning and evening they walked and talked for hours and soon became closer than they'd ever been.  
Every hour Rimmer felt as if he became calmer, lighter, happier and better: he smiled, laughed and delighted in being pampered. He rested with the Cat when he took his naps and caught up with a lot of much needed sleep he'd lost over the years. He finally felt good.  
  
On their last night the pair shared a hot-tub bubble bath, where they talked, laughed and drank champagne, until suddenly the Cat noticed that Rimmer had gone quiet. He looked at him and saw a distinct sadness in the Hologram's face.  
“What's wrong Buddy?” He asked.  
Rimmer stared at him, then shook his head and sighed.  
“I don't want to go back.” there was a pain in his voice.  
“I know it's good here.”  
“No, that … well that's part of the reason …” He closed his eyes. “But I … I don't want to be 'Rimmer' again. I'm finally feeling good about … Oh, I don't know. But when we go back everything will slowly become the same again. I don't want to go …”  
The Cat slowly slid closer to Rimmer and took his hand.  
“Don't worry, buddy: I know what you mean.”  
Rimmer involuntary shivered feeling the Cat's hand hold his. Not many people had touched him with kindness. He liked that feeling, a warm caring hand reassuring him.  
“It's crap, but that's the way it is. Don't think about it, just enjoy the time we have, eh!”  
Rimmer nodded and sighed a long shuddering sigh.

An hour later Rimmer found himself in the Cat's bed watching movies, drinking champagne and eating popcorn. Neither of them ever had sleepovers as a child but laughing at funny movies in their pajamas's and dressing-gowns they both thought that this would be what it was like.  
Rimmer was feeling drowsy in a good way, he looked at the Cat and could see he felt it too.  
  
“Cat …” Rimmer said gently.  
The Cat looked at him.  
“I don't think I've ever been as calm as I am now. Thank you.”  
“Well … I've never been to a place where someone didn't want to kill us, torture us or both, so thank you!!”  
Rimmer looked at the Cat.  
“Oh, that's true. You haven't been beyond the ship or Starbug much, have you?”  
“Not much, no.”  
Rimmer frowned. “Come to think of it, neither have I. I went from home to boarding-school to the JMC. Not much joy anywhere.”  
“Seems only Monkey is having all the fun!”  
Rimmer sat up. “That's true! Lister is going out all the time now. Maybe we should plan more stuff together? Fun, safe things that don't involve gambling with crazed GELFS and strange alcohol!”  
“Hey you're broadcasting my wavelength Buddy!”  
Rimmer smiled and leaned back into the pillows again feeling unashamedly lazy.  
After a brief silence the Cat piped up again. “But what about metal belly?”  
“Oh give him a mop and he's happy!”  
A good, unforced silence as both men were deep in thought while pretending they were watching the movie.  
  
“Tell me about it …” Rimmer suddenly said softly. The Cat looked at the Hologram in surprise.  
“About what?”  
Rimmer turned a bit to look at the Cat.  
“What was it like growing upon the Dwarf?”  
The Cat looked at the Hologram in surprised. It hurt Rimmer to know no-one had ever asked him much about his past after the first two days of meeting him. He himself had never showed much of an interest as he lived under the assumption the Feline had never liked him. Maybe this could change.  
“Nothing to tell, really …”  
  
Rimmer sat up on the bed, cross-legged and smiled down at the Cat.  
“Come on! You were on your own all your life. What did you do? You listened to me all this time. I want to hear your story.”  
The Cat frowned, he didn't seem that willing, Maybe it was a stupid idea to ask, Rimmer thought. But suddenly the Cat started to speak.  
“I wasn't lonely bud. At first there were three other cats. Two might have been my parents.”  
Rimmer raised his eyebrows at this.  
“You didn't know?”  
The Cat shrugged.  
“Cats don't talk about these things. But two cats died, then I was just with weird priest guy and my shadow. Then you guys came along.”

Come on, Rimmer thought, there had to be more to it?  
“Good to know you weren't alone. But what did you do? Weren't you bored? Did you never want other company?”  
Rimmer felt too lazy to keep sitting up and lay back in the pillows again. A bit dissapointed at the Cat's unwillingness to elaborate. He didn't know why but he really wanted to know his history all of a sudden.  
“Cat's are not that social until they are domesticated. Monkey domesticated me. And no, I wasn't bored! I always explored things! Investigated!!”  
“Now I never got that. Even to me, at some point it all became the same dull steel.”  
  
Now it was the Cat's turn to sit up and look down on Rimmer, as he did there was a wistful look in his eyes.  
“That's because you ain't looking! I investigate, I find things and then, the biggest joy: I make things mine. Man, it's sweet!!! Everything is new for me, every day.”  
Rimmer smiled longingly, he wish he had the happy-careless attitude to life the Cat had. Where the only thing to worry about was what you wore.

“Still, you must have been happy when … Lister came along? Someone to play with. Someone who took you outside to explore planets?”  
Rimmer noticed how he'd omitted himself from the question, certain the Cat had not been happy to meet him. A small silence.  
“And you ...” The Cat added in what was almost a whisper.  
Rimmer sat up in surprise to look the Feline in the face.  
“What do you mean 'and me'? You hated me!!”  
The Cat shook his head with a slight smile.  
“Buddy, you don't get cats, do you?”  
Rimmer felt insulted.  
“What's that supposed to mean? I love cats!”  
A stunned expression was his answer.  
“You do?”  
Clever Kitty, Rimmer thought, now they were back to talking about him again.  
“Yes. Back on IO I owned a cat for a bit. Well, not owned … It was a stray little kitten that I fed every day at boarding-school. She kept me from going crazy with loneliness. She loved having her belly rubbed.”  
  
They had by then both returned to laying down. But that last revelation was enough to make the Cat lean up on his arm to look at Rimmer.  
“Belly rubbed?”  
The Cat had obviously never heard of it. Rimmer smiled up at him.  
“Yes. Cat's love that. Meanwhile Frankenstein loved being tickled behind her ears.”  
Rimmer was surprised when the Cat's eyes grew big in wonder.  
“You knew the Holy Mother?”  
A faux smug smile sprang from Rimmer as he proudly exclaimed:  
“And tickled her ears!!”  
The Cat looked at him with complete awe.  
“You tickled the Holy Mother?”  
“Yes, indeedy!”  
  
Rimmer smirked proudly as the Cat tried to comprehend all of this. The Feline shook his head in surprise.  
“But … Monkey said he hid her from everyone!!”  
“Well, Monkey isn't as clever as he thinks. He forgot one teensy, tiny detail. Namely: Cat's need more than milk, especially pregnant ones. I found her when she tried to eat my boots.”  
Rimmer liked the Cat seemingly being slightly in awe of him. He never had people being in awe of him. Had he known how important knowing Frankenstein had been he'd have told him years ago.  
“You never told him?”  
What a silly question, Rimmer thought.  
“Of course not! If I did I'd have had to report him!!”  
“Why?”  
Okay ... Rimmer didn't like this line of questioning.  
“He wouldn't have respected me if I didn't.”  
The Cat patted his leg.  
“Buddy, he never respected you anyway.”  
So the awe was gone again? Rimmer sighed and glared at him.  
“Calm down man, only kidding. So what did you do?”  
Ah, he'd love this part, Rimmer was certain of it.  
“I smuggled in food from the dispensers and fed her when Lister was out. Which was a lot, thankfully. It was fun having a pet after fifteen years on my own on the ship.”  
The Cat had indeed loved this part and curled against him with a smile.  
“You still have a pet.” Rimmer liked the warmth of the Cat against him, and felt true kindness towards the Feline he thought would never like him.  
“You're more than a pet, Cat.”  
A silence, both men were lost in their own thoughts.  
  
“Tickle me!”  
Rimmer jerked from his mind palace with a start when the Cat suddenly exclaimed the request loudly.  
“What?”  
For a second Rimmer was certain he had misheard his feline companion. But he repeated it more insistent. “Tickle me!”  
“No, don't be weird!”  
The Cat pouted.  
“You tickled the Holy Mother, now tickle me!!”  
“Cat!”  
The Cat lay down on the bed and gave Rimmer a seductive look. The Hologram wasn't sure what to make of this new turn of events.  
“Please?” The Cat said in a soft little voice, his eyes beaming up at Rimmer. The Hologram sighed and caved in. “Oh, very well.” He sighed, after all, who'd ever know?  
  
Rimmer turned to his side and begun to softly tickle behind the Cat's ear. Within seconds the Cat begun to smile and closed his eyes while his hands begun to gently massage the bedspread.  
“Oh, that's good buddy!” Then he purred.  
The Hologram unsuccessfully tried to hold back a chuckle at the strange sound and silliness of the situation.  
“If someone had told me I'd one day be tickling a human cat ...”  
Upon hearing Rimmer's chuckle the Cat moved away from the Hologram and seemed embarrassed. Rimmer knew that response and cursed himself for laughing. He softly shifted closer to him and stroked the Feline's tummy. “Don't be scared.” Rimmer said gently. He recognised the Cat's insecurity, his caginess about showing emotions. “I wasn't laughing at you, I've just never heard you purr before.” “Purr?” the Cat asked in surprise.  
“That sound you just made.” Rimmer explained patiently. “It's called purring.”  
  
The Cat looked at Rimmer and thought about it. Then he explained it was a sound he'd never really made before. It felt good and he wondered why he'd never done this earlier. Listening to the Cat Rimmer bit his lip, for some reason he was certain the Cat had never been touched or held before, probably not since he was a kitten. He knew because his response to being touched was quite the same.  
  
“So … no-one has ever done this for you Cat, ever?” Rimmer asked, hoping this was the right thing to ask. He wasn't certain of how to express care as he had little to go on.  
The Cat didn't reply. “It's just …” Rimmer tried again. “I know what it's like to be starved of affection. I can see in your response that you're not used to it either.”  
The Cat waved his hand to stop him, looking slightly annoyed.  
“Buddy, please don't try analyzing me or going deep on me, would ya? Just sit with me, watch the movie and stroke my tummy, cool?”  
Rimmer nodded and understood: he knew that reply, he did that reply. It was the one he did when there was too much to say and no words to express it in. He returned to stroking his tummy until the Cat got bored of it.  
  
After that they just they sat for a while as they drank some more champagne and watched the movie. Rimmer, though, had a very low tolerance for alcohol and after all the health cures and relaxation treatments the champagne hit him like a brick. Soon the hologram begun to feel as if he had had an anesthetic. His body felt as if it was emerged in warm water, his mind was floaty and everything felt a bit surreal. Then his eyes grew heavy. He blinked valiantly to try and stay focused, but soon the desire to close them was overwhelming. But it was their last night the spa and he so wanted to have fun and watch the movie, talk to the Cat and not zonk out on the Felines bed. It was getting harder to open his eyes again every-time he blinked. Maybe if he'd just kept them closed for a bit …  
  
“I'm sleepy Cat,” He slurred, realising his mouth felt weirdly heavy as well. “I'll just close my eyes a bit … promise you I'm not going ...to sleep.”  
The Cat looked at the spaced out Hologram and smiled.  
“You just rest bud.” It sounded very kind, Rimmer liked that, it was comforting.  
Intoxicated by the joy of new friendship and the overwhelming haze of alcohol Rimmer was now laying closer to the Cat than he'd ever been and closed his eyes, promising himself he was just resting them. He would not go to sleep. He would not g …  
Almost dozing off his head sank on the Cat's shoulder his curls tickling his new friends cheeks. The Feline liked the feeling of it. It might have been the alcohol, it might have been never having felt this close to anyone but something inside the Cat stirred as the gentle pressure and warmth of Rimmer registered in his body. It made him feel all kinds of new things. He wasn't sure what to do about it until the film showed him the way. Looking at the movie the Cat mimicked what he saw. The man gently placed his arm around the girl then moved to face her.  
Then …


	5. Friends With Benefits?

Rimmer's eyes snapped open when he heard the Cat purr again, and he suddenly felt an arm around him; then two lips on his mouth.  
It took a few seconds before his sedated mind truly realised: The Cat … was kissing him. A rather pleasant kiss it was too, he thought, then he wondered if maybe he was a little too relaxed now.  
“Cat … what the smeg are you …” Rimmer begun as the Cat stopped to stare at him, then begun working on his body. For some reason Rimmer never finished his sentence as he felt how he melted into the feline man's electric arms. The Cat kissed him again and Rimmer realised he was kissing back and that he had automatically wrapped his arms around him. Breathing in the Cat's patchouli and musk smell and feeling his lean body in his arms Rimmer drifted away for a second or two and let the Feline overpower him. For a brief moment he was certain that this is what he wanted: someone loved him enough to kiss him, hold him, want him but … But then he didn't see the Cat's face any-more, it had morphed into someone else. It had morphed into Lister, and it was then that Rimmer knew that he could not sleep with the Cat. Dave Lister was the love of his life always had been, always would be. It would be wrong to start something with Cat that he could not give himself to with his entire heart. It would be unfair to both of them and unfair to the Cat who had become such a great friend to him.  
Rimmer allowed himself to bask in the much needed warmth of a loving touch for just a few more seconds then let go of his friend and made himself freeze beneath the embrace.  
  
“Cat …” He whispered.  
“What?”  
The Cat sounded so kind, Rimmer swallowed.  
“Don't … we shouldn't …” This was hard to explain, because he wanted this in so many ways.  
“What? Don't you want this?” The Cat sounded offended as he gestured at his own body.  
“Yes, yes I do … but … we can't, I can't …” How he wished he could.  
“Why not?” The Cat sounded stunned.  
Fighting back tears Rimmer tried to explain. He had never turned down someone in his entire existence. He was always the one left behind, so this was the hardest thing he had ever done, especially because a part of him so desperately wanted to say yes.  
  
“Because … because I'm not in love with you. I mean … I love you … as a friend and … we've just become friends … I don't want to lose that. I need that so badly and if we … did this … I'm afraid we would lose that because … I'm in love with …” Could he say it?  
“With the monkey …” The Cat hissed sadly as he untangled his body from Rimmer's. “I know … I've always known but I thought … He's never gonna be there for you, you know? Like I could be. We could have had something here.”  
  
Rimmer sighed, his brain was too foggy for this. He wanted to be careful, gentle, but he could barely think, all he really wanted right now was to go to sleep.  
“I'm so sorry … I just … I would feel as if I was using you.” He didn't want the Cat to feel like he had, being strung around for so many years.  
The Cat sat for a bit, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. Then a thought seemed to come to him.  
  
“Seems you do want and being a Cat I don't really need the whole relationship with strings attached thing, remember?”  
Rimmer tried to make his addled body go through difficult task of nodding.  
“So, could we be FWB's?” The Cat then asked cheerfully, his hand on Rimmer's leg.  
“What's that?” Rimmer couldn't understand why the Cat seemed to know more human expressions than he did.  
“Friends who make out a bit: kiss, cuddle, that sort of thing. I like the touchy stuff now. Not lovers, just friends having fun.”  
  
The words of the Cat swum into Rimmer's misty tranquilized mind, confusing him. _"Friends with benefits"_   Cat had said. Did that exist? Was that even an option? Maybe? Both of them were touch starved and … Or was it the alcohol talking? What if they felt different in the morning? What if the Cat would feel disgusted by the whole thing then? Wait, why would only the Cat be disgusted? What was wrong with him? Smeg, he needed sleep!!  
  
“I'd … consider it …” Talking was getting harder, Rimmer noted, especially as his eyes kept closing. “But I'm really feeling a bit weird Cat … I don't want to say or promise anything right now … Sleep …”  
  
The Cat smiled at him, apparently feeling pacified by Rimmer not flat out rejecting the idea.  
“Just say you'll atleast rub my belly and tickle my ears once in a while and I'll let ya sleep.”  
“I can promise you that.” Rimmer hoped he smiled, as he really meant it, but he couldn't actually feel his face any-more. “Lot's of tummy tickles and ear rubs …” Wait, that was wrong ... Oh who cared the Cat understood what he meant …  
Now sleep, at last. But … was he laying down or sitting …? He couldn't feel the difference any-more. He'd just close his eyes and hope for the best. There ...  
  
“Good.” The Cat smiled. “Whoa, bud, what are you doing? You'll fall!!”  
So he wasn't laying down then? He couldn't really remember what was up or down, he was certain he'd known once.  
The Cat gently took his friend in his arms and eased him back into the pillows.  
“There you are. Now go to sleep, bud.”  
“Good … Cat … night …” Rimmer muttered.  
“Night bud …” The Cat said softly as he kissed his temple.  
And with that Rimmer blacked out happily in the Cat's arms.


	6. "Hello  Ladies!"

The next day was the last day, and the two friends decided on one final relaxation course. The Cat had found it when he read through the brochures one more time while waiting for Rimmer to stir from his deep alcohol induced slumber.  
When he finally woke up the Hologram felt in no fit state to do anything and simply wanted to stay in bed until it was time to go home. It disappointed the both of them, as this was their last chance to have fun at the Spa. Feeling bored the Cat decided to do some investigating in a section he had not seen before. It was there that he discovered that the Spa really did take care of every eventuality. So after a fix-up from one of the Hollo-Hangover cleansers the men two went off to take their class after-all.

The course was called “Friends Spa”. It was a quick class in which friends were taught to apply some of the Spa techniques and treatments on each other, to keep the feel of their stay going a little longer when back at home. The duo knew that this would be their best bet of keeping the stress out of their lives on the ship. Also, if they really wanted to become FWB's this course would help them to become familiar with each-others bodies and boundaries. That and rubbing tummies and ear tickling, of course.  
  
The teacher droid decided Rimmer would be a Spa administer first. He was dressed in an apron and a little bonnet was placed on his head. The Holograms natural urge was to balk at him looking like a complete gimboid, but then he remembered: It didn't matter yet, Lister wasn't here. He was safe.  
So he sat down behind the Cat and slowly begun brushing his friends hair. For a while he just played with the long, deep dark locks, enjoying their soft, silky texture. Then he decided he would braid them.  
It was a fun calming thing for the both of them and soon Rimmer was immersed in a world of soft hair and happy thoughts. He'd never known things like this were fun. Fully wrapped up in the moment, neither of them noticed someone entering the room. Not until he spoke.  
  
_“Hello ladies!!”_  
  
Rimmer inhaled sharply upon hearing the sound of a slurry Scouse voice that seemed to come out of nowhere. He tried to take his hand away from the Cat's braids so fast he pulled the Feline's hair roughly, earning him a deserved hiss.  
He looked up to see Lister standing in the doorway looking “nicely drunk”, his eyes sparkling merrily as he took in the scene.  
“Oh Arlene, wha' a cute lil' bonnet you got on ya.” He chuckled.  
Rimmers hand shot up and grabbed the silly thing from his head. As he did he felt the familiar feeling of tense anxiety return to his body. His mouth was dry and his breathing became faster. He couldn't believe it. Was it over before he could even leave the Spa?  
“Aw, why d'ya take it of? It suits you Arn ...”  
Rimmer whimpered feeling humiliated, hurt and momentarily unable to reply.  
“Monkey, why are you here?” The Cat hissed in annoyance, clearly noting Rimmer was too upset to speak.  
“Oh, I was at satellite 6 last night, you know the gambling place?” Lister replied joyfully, oblivious to both his friends' upset. “I won big time. Thought I'd swing by to see how my girls were doing and tell them we're rich now.”  
  
“You little bastard!” Rimmer suddenly spat as he jumped from his chair and moved in to face Lister.  
“Wha'?” Lister seemed confused by Rimmer's outburst.  
True, it hadn't been a massive insult, but Rimmer was furious: how dare Lister come here to soil the one joy he'd had in so many years? The one place where he'd felt safe? Where he'd been happy!  
“You just think you can come in here drunk out of your mind and insult us just because we want to have a little time away to get some rest? How smegging dare you?!”  
Lister looked at him in stunned surprise, he'd clearly never expected Rimmer would get angry at his jokes. Why would he? Rimmer barely responded to them or him most of the time.  
“Hey, I was just having a laugh. Come on: I come here to find you wearing a pink apron and bonnet braiding the Cat. What do you expect me to do?”  
  
Rimmer didn't know, all he knew that every bit of the joy he'd felt before had faded now Lister had seen him like this. He'd had wanted to keep this a secret between him and Cat. Something just for them: the secret off when he'd been happy. Now it was out and once again he had nothing.  
“Thank you Lister,” He said with an icy tiredness. “Thank you for ruining something for me again. I just wanted a few days away from everything. But no of course here you come barging in spoiling any smidgen of joy I could have. Thank you very much.”  
  
“Yes, thank you for ruining things Dogfoodbreath!” the Cat hissed. “I just got him calm. We were having fun till you came round!”  
Lister backed away looking baffled at the two angry men staring daggers at him. “What the smeg is wrong with you guys? I didn't do anything …”  
  
Overwhelmed as all his feelings had returned with a vengeance Rimmer knew he couldn't bare staying silent any longer. Something had snapped inside of him and he exploded.  
“No, no, you didn't do anything. Not unless you count me looking after you day in day out, trying to get you through for decade after decade only to be spat out the moment you have the chance to win back Kochanski or to be a star.”  
Lister stepped backwards again, while staring wide eyed at Rimmer's exploding fury, clearly unaware of what the Hologram was talking about.  
“What?”  
Months of hurt and anger were fighting inside the Hologram to be released. He had never felt more humiliated than during their Squid induced trip to earth and kept it inside for too long.  
“Stop trying to play the innocent Lister. What you said when we met our creator was enough for me. A series with just you and Kryten eh? That told me then.”  
“And me …” the Cat muttered. Rimmer put a protective hand on the Feline's shoulder.  
"Yes, and Cat. Staying behind to meet Kochanski, even if she isn't real! Of course you would after I failed you, why not ...”  
Lister finally seemed to understand what he was referring to. “Oh smeg, Rimmer, I never thought …”  
“Yes, that's your problem, isn't it." Rimmer felt that urge to cry again and was annoyed when he heard his voice tremble. "The only thing you think of is Kochanski, even after how she treated you. Even after you knew she left you because she couldn't take it anymore. All I can do is pick up the pieces and rebuild you time after time and be ignored or treated like smeg for my troubles.” There, he'd said it, and now he had no energy left. The Hologram collapsed into a chair and put his head in his hands.  
  
Lister felt as if a ton of bricks hit him. All he had wanted to do was prank the two guys. Even with the best will in the world he couldn't see the appeal of a Spa and walking into Rimmer with his pink bonnet … He just couldn't keep his mouth shut. He had been shaken to the core by Rimmer exploding like that. He'd no idea that the man had so much anger towards him locked inside. Thinking about it maybe …. maybe there was some truth in it? Had he really been that careless towards Rimmer? He didn't understand, he'd never even considered it.  
"Rimmer ... I ..."  
"I ... I just needed to be away." The hologram whispered brokenly.  
"Away from what?" Lister mentally kicked himself: as if he didn't know.  
Rimmer looked up, his eyes dark with deep and utter misery.  
"Away from being the crap hologram that failed you and let you die inside."  
Lister wished he'd never won the stupid money now. If he hadn't he wouldn't have come here and ruined the fun they'd clearly had before he came. And the things Rimmer said? What torment had been going on inside him for all this time?  
  
"What? Where did that come from? Who said that?" He sat himself next to Rimmer and noticed how the Hologram's legs were jiggling, his body was shaking. This was more than serious.  
"Kremlin Kate ... and she was right. I'm useless …"  
Lister shook his head sadly: How had he missed all this?  
"When did she say that? I never heard?"  
Rimmer wrung his hands. "When I showed her the ship."  
"Why did you never say?" Lister sighed as Rimmer stared at him balefully.  
“Tell you about how useless I feel? Because that's what she was a manifestation of: Of how smegging useless I am. She was everything I'm not.” He looked Lister in the eye. “Everything I'm not but wished I could be for you.”  
  
Lister tried to take his hand but Rimmer moved away from him and then put his head in his hands again.  
"Rimmer, I never thought about you like that, I swear!" That was a lie, Lister reluctantly admitted to himself. Remembering how happy he'd been about her arrival, how he teased Rimmer about her replacing him. How he joked about her being more competent. And Rimmer, he now understood, had stored these jokes in his mind, torturing himself with it for all these months. No wonder he'd been so low.  
  
"Deep down inside you do,” Lister cringed as he heard the unsteady shakes in the Holograms voice as he talked. “Deep down inside you wish I was Kochanski and wished it was me who got sucked from an airlock. It's okay, I understand. I lived with it for decades. It's just … that whole squid thing somehow made it hurt more. I haven't been feeling well for quite some time. I just wanted to relax a bit … be pampered, just once. I took the Cat because I knew he'd understand. He likes these things. You'd just be laughing at me as you always do. And I was right. I know it might look weird, but …” Rimmer swallowed and closed his eyes. “Sometimes I longed to be able to do these things. The Cat just does what he likes, he doesn't care … I just wanted to be like him for a few days.”  
  
Lister was sad to find his friend had been going through what was probably a nervous breakdown and he had not even noticed. He was also angry with himself for ruining what might be the first bit of joy Rimmer had had in centuries and for making jokes that, when you thought about them, properly were rather tasteless. Did Rimmer really think he'd want him gone … dead even?  
  
“Did you have fun here, Rimmer?” Lister asked softly, unsure of what else to say. He wanted to rub his arm but the Hologram turned away, again. Then Rimmer nodded, not looking at him.  
“Then it's okay, isn't it? I'm sorry I ruined it. Kryten and I are going now.”  
Rimmer shrugged. “If you go now, maybe you can get your money back.” Rimmer said in a sad tone. “This was the last day anyway. I'll just get packing too.” Rimmer stood up and left to go to his room, his posture deflated. Leaving Lister feeling like a heel.  
  
The Scousers feeling that he had ruined something very important didn't ease up when turning to face a furious Cat.  
“Why couldn't you leave us alone man? I'm sick of it. Always thinking you better than us, judging us. Who gave you the right?”  
Smeg, Lister thought, not the Cat as well!  
“I'm sorry man, I didn't know.”  
The Cat glared at him: “That's your answer to everything?”  
When Lister remained silent the Cat continued in a flat tone edged with anger.  
“You know why Goalposthead is really depressed?”  
“Well, he just said …”  
“Because of you. He actually takes notice of your judging and is scared of doing anything because he thinks you'll mock him.”  
  
“Don't be weird, Rimmer doesn't …” Then he stopped dead. Maybe it was true. Over the years Rimmer had grown very quiet. Gone where the Hammond nights, the Risk stories, the slides, the telegraph poles. He didn't even whistle or play musical tunes any-more unless he thought he was alone. He must have worn him down with the constant jokes. Sure, Rimmer had made fun of things Lister did too, but he never took these things to heart. Sometimes he forgot that Rimmer was like a raw nerve and cared about what people thought, he did take these jokes to heart. Apparently, even though Rimmer would never admit it, Lister's opinion of him mattered a lot. Why was he so hung up on him, a man technically below him?  
Then a sentence of the earlier conversation drifted back to him:  
  
_“Everything I'm not but wished I could be for you.”_  
  
He froze. No. Could it be …? Surely not?  
“Getting the picture, Buddy?”  
The Cat stared at him intensely.  
“Smeg …” Lister stormed out of the room and dashed to the reception.


	7. As It Should Be

Lister found Rimmer in his hotel room quietly packing his things in his suitcase looking rather forlorn. For a few seconds he just stood in the doorway, thinking of what to say. Then he went for the only thing he really wanted to tell him.  
“Rimmer, I'm sorry man.”  
Rimmer didn't look up, instead he turned away from him. Lister cringed when he noticed the Hologram quickly wiped his eyes, thinking he couldn't see it.  
“Hey, please. I was out of line. I was just joking, I keep forgetting jokes can hurt sometimes.”  
Rimmer looked up at him red eyed and balefully. “Well they do Lister. More than you will ever know.”

“Look, if you ever want to do another Hammond night or maybe we could play Risk one day …?” Lister knew that it was a stupid thing to say at this time, and was proven right when Rimmer waved him off.  
“Over that Listy, long since over that …”  
The flat monotone Rimmer used annoyed Lister, he actually preferred the angry tone to this.  
“Damn it Rimmer, you don't have to hold yourself back or change on my account!!”  
That hit the spot: Rimmer threw the things he was holding harshly into the suitcase then turned to face Lister.

“What do you expect me to do then? When every little thing I do is met with mockery? Don't think I can't see you and Kryten roll your eyes whenever I talk. It's just hard knowing that no matter what I do, no matter how much I try you keep pining for Kochanski. I know you love her ... but ... It hurts Lister, it does. It makes me feel … worthless.”  
It annoyed Lister to realise just how right the Cat had been. He moved closer.  
“Hey, I never wanted you to feel that way. You should have said something.”  
Rimmer clenched and un-clenched his fists in confusion, then shook his head.  
“You'd only mock me saying it was just banter. Saying I shouldn't be so sensitive.”  
Lister tried to touch Rimmer's shoulder, he was a tactile person who needed physical gestures to make people aware of his intentions.  
“Hey, I promise you I won't. When I go to far just say it, okay?”  
Rimmer nodded.

“Why do you care so much about what I think anyway?” Lister thought he knew, but wanted Rimmer to say it, confirm his suspicions. Rimmer blinked rapidly, clearly trying to stop tears from coming.  
“I care about what everyone thinks, I always have. A lifetime of being judged doesn't leave much room for self-esteem. As you've inexplicably turned yourself into the center of the group your opinion matters, to everyone.”  
Lister had never thought about this, he also sensed that Rimmer would probably never again say what he had almost said between the lines earlier. But knowing it made him want to be all the more careful with the Hologram.  
“I'm sorry …” He simply said again.

Rimmer nodded curtly and then continued his packing. Lister cleared his throat, maybe it was time to play his trump card.  
“Got something for you, to make up for hurting you.”  
“That's not necessary, I'm used to it.” Rimmer said bitterly, again without looking up.  
“It's necessary to me. I messed up and ruined something that mattered to you and the Cat. So … I made them extend the Spa stay for you two with the money I won. You can stay for the fortnight.”  
Rimmer gasped, he turned to stare at Lister his eyes lighting up. He must have realised he was showing too much as he suddenly retreated and frowned.  
“You mean it?” Rimmer asked sounding breathless as he looked at Lister quizzically. “You would do that for me? Spending money on something so … frivolous?” Lister softly took his hands, they were shaking.   
“Cat told me how much it was helping you. If this works for you, if it finally calms you it's not frivolous.”  
It seemed to Lister as if Rimmer couldn't stop nodding, completely thrown by the surprise.  
“It did. I cant explain but I feel … well … felt … so much better. They have this stress draining machine … and nature.”  
He looked overwhelmed, so Lister sat Rimmer down next to him on the bed and rubbed his back. He was relieved when Rimmer let him.  
“I'm really sorry about not seeing what I was doing to you, man.”  
Rimmer shook his head while trying to compose himself.  
“You shouldn't, I was being selfish, you were grieving.”  
Don't lock yourself of from me again!! Lister's mind begged Rimmer.

“That still was no excuse for me to make you feel worthless. You haven't failed me, Rimmer. I'm not your responsibility.” Rimmer raised his eyebrows and finally looked at him again, Lister saw fresh tears in his eyes.  
“The only reason I exist at all is to watch over you and keep you sane.”  
Lister wrapped an arm around him, Rimmer allowed him to pull him closer.  
“Well, you did a good job. But I had no right to abuse it and drive you insane. I need you, you're my mate. I don't want you sucked from a smegging airlock, get it? I wouldn't know what to do without you! You deserve this break Arn, and so much more for putting up with me being a jerk all this time without trying to kill me.”  
Rimmer sniffled a tiny laugh through tears.  
“What makes you so sure I didn't?”  
Lister smiled silently.  
“Wouldn't hold it against ya.” He gently rocked the Hologram. “Hey, you mean a lot to me man, I want you to know that. When you return to the Dwarf things will be different, understood?”  
He felt Rimmer nod against his shirt. Then they just sat there for a bit.

“Why don't you and Kryten stay too? A group holiday?” Rimmer suddenly said softly.  
Another silence as Lister contemplated the idea. Maybe the Hologram only asked out of politeness. He didn't want to mess up his much needed holiday.  
“Nah, man. You were right the first time, it's totally not my scene.”

Rimmer sat up to face Lister. Not for the first time the Scouser noticed the fragility that beamed from his eyes. Why did he keep messing with this man?  
He also noticed that Rimmer tentatively tried to take his hand. He quickly took it, earning him a relieved smile.

“You don't have to do the treatments Listy there's a lot of other stuff: hikes, painting, arts and crafts … They … even have a bar and can magically remove any hangovers.”  
Hmm maybe Rimmer really meant it?  
“Would you like me to stay?”  
Silence, Rimmer played with his hand without thinking. It was clear that he had something difficult to say.  
“I would … like for all of us to stay here, rest in new surroundings and … I don't know … talk things through and start again.”  
That was good, very good. After all they only had each other. They smiled at each other.  
“I would like that Rimmer …”  
Then he took his best, his only, friend in his arms.

Outside the door the Cat smiled: it had worked: the weird couple was back together. Things where how they should be. He gazed into a mirror and prided himself on a job well done. More importantly: he was looking fine! And to top it off he'd get to stay here two weeks longer!! The only thing that saddened him was the thought that with Rimmer and Lister close again he might be alone again. But he understood, as Rimmer loved that Monkey. With a sigh he walked away.  
  
The door of their room opening startled him. The Cat turned around in surprise to find it was Rimmer. The Hologram beckoned him.  
“Ah, there you are Cat! Can you sign us up for that Friends course again? We never did get to finish it. Did you hear? We're all going to stay here for two more weeks! We could be professionals by the time we're back on the Dwarf. Lister here will learn how to give us massages.”  
“Hey!! I never said …!” The Cat heard Lister pipe up.  
Rimmer raised an eyebrow and put his arm round the Cat.  
“It's the least you can do Listy, after all you've put us through!!”  
The Cat smiled broadly: Yes. Things really were as they should be!!


End file.
